Sex Worker reveals how to live out your Sexual Fantasies
Retired sex worker, turned erotic psyche specialist - Artemisia de Vine - reveals how she brought her client’s sexual fantasies to life in fulfilling, meaningful ways.
Here’s the thing. I was paid to bring my client’s sexual fantasies to life but I never tried to be their idealized woman, or flawlessly re-create their imagined encounter, or favorite porn scene. I learned early on that, even if that were possible, it wouldn’t make them feel how they thought it would.
What works in the privacy of our minds, does not necessarily translate well into play with another person. Someone might have a fantasy of being seduced by a nurse for example. If I were to try to role-play their fantasy like a script and do exactly what the nurse does in this imagined narrative, then we may have some fun, but in the end, it still won’t feel like it did in the fantasy - and my client will be left still searching for something they can’t quite put their finger on.
Besides, just enacting the scene blow-by-blow from a script-in-their-head turns me into an actor, which makes the experience feel disconnected. It is much more fulfilling to be an engaged playmate who skillfully creates an experience for someone that hits all the key underlying elements of their fantasy. This not only allows for more free-form spontaneous play but is also much more effective in creating the feeling behind the fantasy.
So how did I access all the excitement and deliciousness contained in that fantasy?
Sexual fantasies are really valuable! They symbolize a concentrated form of the exact psychological conditions we need in order to overcome all our internal resistance - allowing us to surrender into the vulnerability of genuine sexual pleasure.
Over my 12 years of full-time sex work, I developed a framework and set of tools to bring clients’ desires and fantasies to life.
Here’s what I did.
Whenever a client sat on my red velvet interview couch and told me about their sexual fantasies, I listened intently and focused on the essence behind them. This meant I could create an experience that was simultaneously more realistic and much more effective in getting them to feel what they wanted to feel.
I listened for:
Overall theme: Were they aiming for thrilling excitement? Romantic intimacy? Transcendent spiritual bliss? Dreamy trance-like sensuality? Subspace?
Arousal Style: Was their dominant trigger for sexual arousal:
- The Senses: Does their fantasy focus predominantly on visuals, scents, quality of touch, sounds, or tastes?
- Social interaction: Is the quality of the interaction between participants most important? The energy between them, the emotion, the attention, and focus on each other?
- The Mind: Is the mental aspect of tension building, mystery, internal narrative and fantasy landscape their main focus?
Attitude/flavor: What body language and attitude did each of the characters in their sexual fantasy have? It is one thing to notice that someone wants to be dominated but what flavour domination? Nurturing but authoritative? Cold and clinical? Like a hungry predator? Playful and teasing? Cruel and strict?
Power dynamic: Be it subtle or overt, power is always present in erotic play because sex is vulnerable. To be vulnerable is to encounter the possibility that someone will abuse that power over you, or simply not be worthy of that trust. People’s fantasies reveal their particular eroticised relationship to power. This is as relevant to sweet romantic sexual fantasies as it is to full BDSM fantasies.
Emotional aphrodisiacs: Sexual fantasies are internal stories, and just like any narrative structure, they move through emotional challenges before they find their happy ending. It is important to notice the particular emotional narrative involved in each person’s fantasy.
Did they begin nervous that they would be rejected and move through the embarrassment of being exposed naked to the elation of being desired as they are? What emotional transitions make the experience more fulfilling?
Poisons and antidotes: Our clever sexual fantasies symbolically contain all our internal resistances to letting go into sexual flow state, and beyond into other erotic states of consciousness. These resistances are created by our personality types, our life experiences, and by healthy, normal psychological mechanisms. In other words, having resistance is inevitable and is not necessarily a sign you are wounded or need healing.
Fantasies not only contain a symbolic version of these resistances but they also provide a personalized way around each of those blocks. They literally provide the antidote if you know how to look for it and bring it to life with play. I paid particular attention to what made each client feel safe as they playfully encountered, processed, and transformed their own inner fears through the erotic.
Structure supports Spontaneous Sexual Experience
I used all this information to create an experience of the essence behind each client's sexual fantasies and you can learn to do this too.
While the play itself sometimes ended up looking similar to the original fantasy, equally, it sometimes only vaguely resembled it. Either way, all those key underlying elements were still included.
This allowed the natural psychological mechanisms hidden within sexual fantasies to do their job - that is to take each client to the place inside themselves they were trying to get to all along.
All that sounds pretty complex but actually, with a little guidance - and once you understand how the erotic psyche works - this becomes an intuitive, process you can enjoy without breaking the flow of pleasure. It becomes second nature and gives you more fun ways to have juicy experiences and intimate mutual discovery. After all, who wants to be stuck analyzing during the throws of pleasure?
Want to learn how to do this for yourself and for your sexual partners?
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