Artemisia de Vine: Sexual Fantasy and Desire Coach

The Meaning of Sexual Fantasies About Big Boobs!

Faceless woman with big watermelons in front of her breasts

Sexual fantasies of all kinds contain mini-stories in them. Each story is tailor-made by the subconscious of the person having the fantasy, in order to create the exact psychological conditions they need to let go and enter the vulnerability of pleasure. But some stories are more obvious than others! What if you are only aware of having sexual fantasies of specific body parts? 

“I just think about boobs,” laughed Abdul pretending not to blush. “I’m a simple guy, and that’s enough to get me excited.”

“Well, boobs are pretty fabulous!” I encouraged. “What kind of boobs do you think about?”

“All sorts of boobs! Sometimes I just think about the women I saw that day and imagine what they would look like without clothes on, but if I am honest, I will often think of the boobs themselves, not the women. Small ones and big ones but truthfully, the bigger, the better,” he shrugged with an apologetic smile. “What can I say I am a boob man!”

“Do you have an ideal pair of boobs you like to think about when masturbating?” 

“Don’t tell my wife this, because I love her to bits and I’d do anything for her, but I imagine boobs that are tear-drop shaped, really big, and heavy. Still firm you know, but too big to be high and perky. My wife’s boobs are beautiful too in a different way.”

“That’s okay,” I reassured, fantasy boobs serve a different purpose than real-life sexual attraction and love. When we understand the purpose of these kinds of fantasies they feel a whole lot less threatening to our relationships, but more on that another time. Let’s focus on these ideal tear-drop boobs for a moment. When you imagine them, are they still or moving?”

“Oh moving!” he enthused, "I have a twitter account and follow several big breast hashtags. Later on, I think about them and get off. I really love them when they are jiggling and bouncing. I love them when a woman takes her top off, and as she does, her breasts lift with the t-shirt and then drop and bounce as they are revealed. I am instantly turned on!” 

“Excellent, now focus on the micro-moment that happens, what do you get to feel in response to those gorgeous boobs dropping and jiggling?” 

“Well, besides horny, the whole world disappears. There is nothing but the boobs. No cares, no worries, just soft, jiggly goodness.”

“Do you imagine doing anything with those breasts?” I asked

“Well, it's more like they do something to me. I imagine them coming over to me and smothering my face. Not in a bad way. I can still magically breathe somehow, but they are overwhelming me, playfully slapping my face and rubbing all over me. Somehow I find a nipple thrust into my mouth. Now that I think about it more closely, I can hear someone laughing playfully and making humming sounds of pleasure. Teasing me in a warm and friendly way.”

“Ok so actually this fantasy is not just about what these breasts look like, it is about a mini-story. The way they look symbolizes something to you but more than that, while the person attached to those breasts doesn’t have a face or personality, they do have body language and a distinct attitude.

Let’s test this: if those same breasts came at you more forcefully and overtly dominated you as though they were Queen and you were a mere servant there to fulfill her pleasure, does that change things?” 

He thought about it, then replied. “I am still turned on but not as much, and now I feel a bit shut down too.” 

“So the fantasy story that comes with the boobs has to be right, or it isn’t as effective? That is, you need a story that allows you to feel safe and where you get to remain passive while these giant, jiggly breasts overwhelm you but in a very playful and non-threatening way? They gently impose on you what you really want, without you having to make it happen?”

“Well when you put it like that, yes I guess there is more to it than just what they look like.”

“Do smaller breasts evoke this feeling too?”

“Yes! Just less overwhelming and all-consuming I guess. Bigger ones have more weight and substance to them, and I get to feel small and completely taken by them.” 

“It sounds like big breasts are a symbol that help you feel small in comparison, and to you, that unconsciously means you don’t have any responsibility. You can just open to pleasure without thinking or worrying about anything."  

He nodded.

I continued, "I also noticed, the woman is a faceless fantasy with no needs of her own, so you do not have to worry about sexual performance or working out what she likes. You don't have to stay in the head or be powerful, you can just let go and fully feel sensations in the moment, without fear. You don’t have to worry about rejection because these boobs are initiating everything and taking the lead. They want you. You are wanted. You don’t have to earn it. You can just be, surrender to the moment and enjoy it.” 

“Yes! I guess you are right! But in real life I wouldn't do that. I would be a gentleman and ensure the woman's needs were met and wouldn't objectify her like that." 

"Yes, I can see you are a considerate man," I replied. "Don't worry, fantasies are not instruction manuals for how to behave in the outside world. They are stories that temporarily create the perfect internal psychological conditions you need to permit yourself to focus purely on your own needs.

To let go, you have to focus on yourself. That's just how it is. We all do. Yet, most people feel guilty about that because we are empathetic creatures. Fantasies create permission and reassure us that our pleasure is wanted and the other person's needs are met by meeting our needs."

"So this fantasy is best-kept secret in my head then, " concluded Abdul.  

I disagreed. As a sexual fantasy coach, I help people understand the value of their sexual fantasies and then show them how to bring the essence within them out of their heads and into their beds. This leads to a  far more fulfilling sex.

Abdul's fantasy tells us a lot about the specific conditions he needs to access the vulnerability of pleasure. With a bit of guidance, he can bring what we have learned from it into his actual sex life. 

Most people make the mistake of thinking that if they fantasize about big boobs, then they need big boobs to be turned on. They mistake the symbolism for literal instructions. When they go about it this way, they certainly can have a thrilling time when they encounter big boobs, but actually, there is still an aspect of their desire that remains unsatisfied. An itch that is not fully scratched. 

In my experience, to create the most satisfying sexual experiences, it is far more important to focus on recreating the psychological conditions revealed by fantasy, rather than going out and getting a boob job. The body language, the attitude, the power dynamic, the pressure-free conditions, and the emotional aphrodisiacs are what actually make it so we can let go into the fuller potential of our sexual pleasure.

We can use sexual fantasies as a guiding map. After all, the best sex takes us somewhere inside ourselves and our subconscious told us exactly how to do that in the form of our personalized sexual fantasy story. 

Artemisia de Vine is an Australian sexual fantasy coach offering international zoom-based sessions. Get guidance in understanding what truly turns you on and how to bring the gold within your fantasies out of your head and into your bed. Learn to take turns creating powerful sexual experiences for yourself and your lover/s. 

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