Sexual Fantasies and Horoscopes: The Muses of Eros
The muses that inspire world-famous astrologer, Rob Brezsny, and the muses that give me regular insightgasms about the nature of sexual fantasies, are close cousins.
Hang on, what?!
What do horoscopes have to do with sexual fantasies?
Both are incredibly underrated sources of connection with ourselves - and guides to a vibrant, lusty life of playful delight - and an experiential intimacy with Existence itself!
But neither sexual fantasies nor horoscopes get a lot of respect, even though they are widely enjoyed. People become fixated on the question of whether or not they are "real".
As I often say, sexual fantasies may be make-believe, but the effect they have on you is not! They take you somewhere inside yourself that matters.
Rob Brezsny responds to this same objection in his latest book, Astrology is Real: Revelations from my life as an oracle. He writes:
"Is astrology real? Of course! Yes! Astrology is very real - although not in the same sense that the orange vermillion steel towers of the Golden Gate Bridge are real, or the lavender soap you used for your last shower, or the great horned owl you saw roosting in a juniper tree.
Astrology is real in the way that an Emily Dickinson poem is real, and psychology's theory of the unconscious mind, and the dream of your dead ancestor you had last night, and the myths of Gilgamesh and Inanna, and the story Toni Morrison told in her novel Beloved....
...It's as true as the epiphany you had when you realized you wanted to move to a new location or get married to a person you loved...
...Astrology is real and as true as your imagination. As real and as true as the story you tell yourself about your life. As real and as true as your never-ending cavalcade of yearnings."
But more on that in a bit. First, let me explain...
As usual, nothing about sex is just about sex - or rather, everything about life is about sex.
I don't necessarily mean the physical acts we normally associate with sex - although that is included in the definition for sure! But it's more than that. I mean, eros is our creative life force. That rush of sensation and energy you feel when you become turned on, is the substance of creativity itself! Not a thing on this planet exists without it.
Skyscrapers, the invention of the wheel, that phenomenal lasagne recipe, and, of course, literal babies all come from eros. Sometimes eros manifests as feeling horny; sometimes it is more like the creative flow... but both are eros-driven.
All creativity starts with a desire that we process in the imaginal.
A desire to express a part of ourselves...
A desire to feel connected...
A desire to be loved and love...
A desire to make our life easier...
A desire for excitement...
A desire for self-esteem...
A desire for power... (which is really just a desire to be safe, loved and have all our resource needs met, and to make sure the same is possible for our loved ones).
It can be argued that, if you trace it all the way back to its heart, every desire, even a desire for a doughnut or a new car, is really a desire to come home to our full selves and feel connected to something bigger than ourselves. To make love to the awe and wonder of Life itself.
Without Desire we literally wouldn't move. We wouldn't even get off the couch to make a meal. Hell, we wouldn't even have a couch to sit on! Desire is our motivating force and the ultimate muse of creativity.
So, where does Desire come from?
Is it really just primal instinct that we should disregard as an evolutionary quirk? Or is it more than that?
After years of trusting my client's sexual desires, and specifically the stories their Desire told (their sexual fantasies) - and creating safe, consensual containers to explore them through sexual play (embodied imaginal games) I am convinced that desire is far more profound than merely a survival instinct.
It is a compass leading us home to ourselves... It is a love letter from All That Is, inviting us to dance, play, and open fully to making love to each moment.
But, it doesn't seem that way to start with. I mean, Desire tells us to eat all the sugary goods in the bakery... to spend all our tax money on fancy hats... to grab the butt of the cute stranger in the elevator in front of us. How on earth can we trust it? How is this a wise guide?
I'm sure you can remember times when you did follow your Desire to disastrous effect and had to cop the consequence hang-over. Or someone else followed their Desire and hurt you. You are not alone in feeling mistrust for your own inbuilt Desire compass as a result.
How to Trust Desire
Trusting your Desire starts from understanding that Desire is an imaginal creature. That is, it lives in the part of you that thinks in the logic of imagination... in stories... in symbols. Desire's advice is not to be taken literally. It is metaphorical.
We need to hear Desire on its own terms. We need to learn its language in order to be able to follow its guidance.
Desire is rubbish at giving advice on how to behave in the outside world in a literal sense. However, Desire is a freaking genius at changing your internal state and leading you to the very thing you are most homesick for! Understanding this helps us trust it, and, more than that, be able to be guided by its wisdom.
Remember how I said that all creativity starts with a Desire and then is explored in our imaginations before it can become something real in the outside world? That is because to invent anything, we need to be able to imagine it first. We need to imagine if the handle goes here, will the lever do that? No, no, that wouldn't work... but if we moved the lever over here by three inches, everything will work beautifully!
But this doesn't just apply to inventions. We try out many different scenarios in our imaginations before working up the courage to ask someone on a date... or making that cake... or asking for a raise at work... We live it all out in our imaginations first, even feeling the heart racing goosebumps of what might happen, as we try it out in the safety of make-believe.
The imagination has to be limitless in order for us to come up with anything new. We have to be free to try on all the ideas. Even the really bad ones. We are testing out consequences before we act by using imagination and stories.
Sexual fantasies are very specific kinds of stories told by our Desire.
Sexual fantasies are the exact story our egos need to hear in order to let their guard down and allow us to enter the vulnerability of connection, pleasure and sometimes even, expanded erotic states of consciousness where we can feel at one with All That Exists.
You know, that feeling we yearn for most - being in direct relationship with our whole selves, each other and something bigger than ourselves. A feeling of utter awe and wonder and love.
Sexual fantasies are stories that include our personal obstacles to letting go. That is, sexual fantasies are stories about our fear of vulnerability, so have to include those very fears in one form or another. However, they are also genius stories that include the antidote to that fear. The end result is the exact opposite to what we feared it would be.
Sexual fantasies are powerful stories that temporarily transform our state of consciousness so we can experience who we are beyond our ego, and share this precious part of ourselves with our lover.
If you want to feel for yourself how this works, I made this free 45 min audio lesson for you to try!
But many people don't know how to hear their sexual fantasies and think they actually need to be with a person who looks like Jason Mamoa, or a woman with gravity-defying breasts... they think they want a literal threesome... or to actually perform that particular sex act in order to satiate their desire.
While those things are fine, and often fun, I learned very quickly in my former roles as a sex worker and pro-dominatrix, that if I tried to just live out my client's fantasies exactly as they were in their mind's eye, it was not as satisfying as the client thought it would be.
It was when I started to recognise the specific story narrative functions within each person's fantasies, and bring those to life, that magic things began to happen! That's when my clients started consistently saying things like:
"Wow, I had no idea I could feel this way!"
"This is what I've been longing to feel my whole life!"
"I feel more truly me than I've ever felt before!"
"I feel alive in every cell!"
It took understanding Desire's brilliant metaphorical story language to be able to create sexual experiences that satiated the real yearning behind the symbolism.
Rob Breszny gets this when it comes to his art form too. His whole life is dedicated to the creative force and is guided by its muses... to Eros... and yet he strongly advocates that we don't take horoscopes literally and make them our prisoners.
"Creative zeal infuses everything I do. I regard every moment, whether it’s conversing with the clerk at the 7-Eleven or riding my mountain bike up a steep dirt path or meditating in my sanctuary adjoining a wetland, as a novel opportunity to add to the playful work of art that encompasses all the rest: the performance art ritual that is my life."
"As the writer of a horoscope column that rebels against horoscope columns, I don't predict the future. If anything, I predict the present. My entire practice - free will astrology - is based on the hypothesis that your destiny is not set in stone, is not held hostage by planetary fiat.
Rather, the future is at least partly subject, in mysterious ways, to influences of your discerning analysis and disciplined imagination and fired-up will power. That is especially true if you can uncover the unconscious patterns and hidden agendas that come to bear on you. It's my joy and privilege to assist you in that noble work."
I use the lens of sexual fantasies and the erotic to access the creative muses that bring insight and delight... and connect me with eros wisdom and lead me home to my ever-evolving whole self again and again.
Brezsny uses horoscopes to access the same thing. I'm pretty sure our muses get together and have cups of tea to compare notes on the magic of the imagination and stories to connect us humans to all that actually matters about being alive.
Again, if you want to feel for yourself how sexual fantasies take you somewhere inside yourself, I made this free 45 min audio lesson for you to try!
Sent from my Venus Shell,
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